


The Quest for Loki: a Love Story With Voicemail, Pizza and No Ketchup

by misura



Category: Loki: Agent of Asgard
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Multi, Spoilers, post-AoA#8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 19:28:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2823392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The totally epic account of how Verity Willis and Sigurd the Ever-Glorious kicked some righteous ass and got back their Loki. Aw, yeah, Titans! (Wait, sorry, wrong series.)</p><p>Also: a story about the relative unimportance of balloons. And other things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Quest for Loki: a Love Story With Voicemail, Pizza and No Ketchup

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mikkey_bones](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikkey_bones/gifts).



> in case you couldn't tell by the title, this is one of those stories you start writing at three in the morning, high on caffeine and sugar and then find sitting on your computer the next morning
> 
> it's not completely my conscious self's fault, is what I suppose I'm saying here
> 
> (on a slightly more serious note: this references AoA #1 through #5 and to some degree hops up and down shaking an angry fist at the end of AoA #8)
> 
> (it and I have a lot in common that way, you could say. or not.)

Voicemail is clearly one of the most magnificent human inventions.

Granted, it's pretty much useless without a phone (or two phones, given that your distant or, as the case may be, _absent_ conversational partner needs to have one, too).

Still, if you both have phones and one of you has voicemails, you're in business. You're in a position to get things done, to go places. To really work on your relationship.

"Verity? Hi, it's me. Could you maybe answer the phone? I kind of want to talk to you also: kind of not, but oh well. I'm getting a little worried."

Or not.

*click - beep* "Message deleted. You have ... no new messages."

 

[ **We're Off to See the Hero** ]

"Let's face it," Sigurd (the Ever-Glorious) said, "the guy is a dick."

Possibly, you know the guy he's referring to. Possibly, you thought he acted like a dick, too, the last time you saw him.

Then again, who _hasn't_ been a dick at some point in their lives? Even Thor, who may or may not be related in some way to the person you're currently thinking of, has had his moments.

"He may be a dick," Verity (the Living Lie Detector) said, "but he's - never mind."

"Smart call."

 

_earlier_

There are, in this world, Five Words of Power. (Also: five legendary keys forged by Odin himself, to lock away the legendary sword Gram. But you knew that. And they're not relevant to this current story. Maybe.)

Put together, these words have brought down evil empires. They have given new hope to good (or merely regular) empires. They have caused dragons to be slain and demons to be defeated. And vice versa, too, probably.

Verity Willis may not be aware of it, but she will soon pronounce these sacred Words.

"Hi." (That wasn't one of them.) "I really need your help." (These are. But sh, it's a secret.)

*click-beep* "Message deleted. You have ... six-hundred-ninety-seven new messages."

Sigurd the Ever-Glorious put away his cellphone, sighed and went to fetch his sword.

 

_now_

"It's not really my kind of thing, you know," Sigurd said.

(Sigurd is wearing: tight black Levi jeans, a form-fitting Cortex Sportif shirt and the same stylish glasses you've seen him wear before.)

"I can imagine," Verity said.

"You're sure there's not a dragon or something you'd like me to slay? That's something of a specialty of mine - and I say that without meaning to brag, of course."

"How many dragons did you slay, then?"

(Reminder: Verity Willis always knows when someone is lying to her.)

"A couple," Sigurd said.

"So, two."

"That's still two more than most people."

"Fine. I won't argue with you there. So are you going to help me or not?"

(Reminder: Verity doesn't know she's used the Five Words of Power to bind Sigurd to do her bidding.)

"Sure. I guess. Yeah. Not like I've got anything better to do."

 

[ **It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Starts Being a Dick** ]

"Should I send her some flowers, do you think?" Loki asked.

"Personally, I've always found stolen jewelry to be much more romantic," said Lorelei. "But hey, your call. I don't know her that well, anyway."

"No," Loki said. "I suppose you don't."

(Lorelei and Verity call each other about once a day and talk for an average of forty-two minutes. Some of the topics they have previously discussed include flowers, jewelry, clothes, the advantages and disadvantages of pursuing a criminal career, and Loki being a dick.)

(So, yeah.)

 

_Verity's apartment, Manhattan, now_

"Honestly, I'd expected dinner to be a bit classier than pizza," Loki said.

Sigurd (the Ever-Glorious) scowled at him. "Maybe if you'd called ahead, I might have taken the lady somewhere nice instead. Not that this apartment isn't very nice, too. It's just a bit - "

"Unlike a fancy restaurant?" Verity (the Living Lie Detector) suggested, returning from the kitchen with three plates and some napkins. "That's okay. It's not supposed to look fancy."

"Or like a restaurant, I'd assume."

"Still with the clever quips. I should warn you: I brought my sword."

Loki accepted a plate. "It wasn't that clever. And don't you always? Bring you sword, that is, not warn people about it. Although that might be polite, too. I mean, if you feel it requires a warning."

"Boys."

"What's he doing here, anyway?"

"The very question I wanted to ask."

 

_outside Verity's apartment, Manhattan, then_

"Wow," Verity said.

Possibly, we should add here that the word 'wow' in this context might be taken as short-hand, which would make it slightly more accurate (for the sake of this story, at least, if not for the sake of truthfulness) to render Verity's reaction to what she saw when arriving at her apartment thusly:

"While I like balloons, two dozen seem too many. The flowers look nice, but I only have about five vases to put them in, so some of those bouquets are just going to waste away which seems a pity. I approve of your idea of my taste in movies - I do, indeed, think that Jeremy Renner's arms are quite sexy, even if the amount of popcorn you have brought would imply you expect me to watch this movie in the company of far more friends than I currently have. (Incidentally, I don't count you among them, since you acted like a total dick the last time we met.) And yay, ice cream. And chocolate. And fruits baskets. Is that an Asgardian banana? I've never seen one of those before," Verity said.

And paused to breathe.

"Hi," Loki said. "Can we talk?"

"Technically, that would be a 'yes'." Verity dug out her keys.

"I want to apologize," Loki said. "I screwed up."

"I got pizza," Verity said. "Or, well, _we_ did."

"Hi," Sigurd (the Ever-Glorious) said. "Whoa."

(Short-hand once more, so let's try that one again, okay?)

"Hi," Sigurd (the Ever-Glorious) said. "Clearly, you're a desperate loser. I feel for you, bro, but also: you totally had it coming, so I'll still enjoy watching you suffer. What up?"

"Pizza sounds wonderful," Loki said. "Thank you."

 

[ **We Danced All Night to the Worst Song Ever** ]

"Is this going to end in a garbage container again?" Sigurd asked.

"Well," Loki said. "I'm afraid I left the bottle of ketchup in my other pants, so hopefully not."

 

_a place where people come for some dancing, earlier_

"I'm not sure if I should apologize for screwing up an apology for screwing up," Loki said.

Sigurd snorted. "A bit of free advice: when in doubt, apologize."

"Is that what you do?" Verity asked.

"Not usually." Sigurd looked thoughtful. "I can see how it might be tricky to court someone who can tell when you're lying. It's an intriguing challenge."

"Ah, honesty." Loki sighed. "Supposedly, it has its rewards."

Sigurd eyed Verity appreciatively. "I can see that."

(Verity is wearing: something comfortable. Also a slightly annoyed expression.)

"I suppose you'd like me to dance with you."

"That was what I promised you," Sigurd (the Ever-Glorious-Even-When-Stealing-Stuff-While-Invisible) said, sketching a bow. "If you would be kind enough to do me the honor."

"I'll just sit here and order us some drinks, shall I?" Loki said.

 

"You're not terrible at this."

"I assure you, there are many more things I'm not terrible at. Although - "

"What?"

"Honor compels me to postpone those things until after I've completed the task you've charged me with. And, frankly, I'm not sure how to tell if our efforts so far have been successful."

"Yeah. Then again, he did apologize."

"Indeed."

"Sincerely."

"If you say so. Then?"

Loki cleared his throat. "Might I cut in here?"

 

_a place where people come for some dancing, now_

"This," Sigurd (the Ever-Glorious) said, "is not what I expected. Nor what I signed up for."

"Oh, relax," Loki said.

"Are you wearing an illusion right now?"

"No. I always look exactly like Harry Styles."

"Huh." Sigurd narrowed his eyes. "Am _I_ wearing an illusion right now?"

Loki grinned. "If you were to lean in a little bit closer while we talk, that would make those five girls over at table 26 very happy."

"Maybe later. So, what happened? You suddenly changed your mind about wanting to be a superhero?"

"My brother hit me," Loki said. "I believe you've met him?"

"You were struck by Mjölnir? Interesting."

"Not particularly." Loki grimaced. "I'd sooner use words like 'extremely, horribly, no-good painful'."

"I have been charged by the lady with the task of, and I quote, 'making you stop acting like a dick'."

"So I gathered. Although why she imagined you'd be up to that - well. Who can understand women?"

"You and I both, I'm fairly sure. With a bit of honest effort."

Loki paused mid-step. "She's really rubbing off on you, isn't she?"

"That's not a question a gentleman should answer."

"I can still find you when you're asleep."

"Yes," Sigurd (the Ever-Glorious) said. "But I'm pretty sure I can find _you_ , too. So I'd say that puts us on an even footing. Move."

"This is a little unexpected," Loki said. "I mean, your record in that quarter is kind of - "

"As is yours."

"It's not that bad."

"You turned your back on a friend," Sigurd said. "Me, I just lost some people's phone numbers. Do you seriously think that makes you better than me? Morally, I mean. Not ... some other macho shit."

"I'm not entirely sure if I like this new Sigurd," Loki said.

"Trust me, the feeling's at least partially mutual. And hey, don't make it sound as if we were bosom buddies before."

 

[ **So, Yeah, That Happened** ]

"I'm not sure if I should feel really, really happy or really, really embarrassed."

(Verity is wearing: nothing.)

"Wait until you've seen yourself in his bedroom," Loki said. "He's got mirrors on the ceiling. And a very unique alarm clock."

(Loki is wearing: nothing.)

"And you would know this how?"

"That," Loki said, grinning, "is not a question a gentleman should answer."

"So you can go right ahead, then."

"Ouch."

"Take it as a compliment," Sigurd (the Ever-Glorious) said. "I know I would."

(Sigurd is wearing: a strategically draped blanket. Or nothing. You can go with nothing.)

"I know you would, too. Happily, I'm not you."

"Thank God for that."

"You're welcome."


End file.
